Today is just one of those days... and IT'S NOT EVEN 8AM!
Didn't get to sleep in like I wanted to. I had to get up with the baby about 6 o'clock. Tried to go back to sleep but my husband kicked me instead, so sleep wasn't happening. So now I am sitting at the computer typing this blog for my imagined readers. My son in the bouncer and the music playing, reminds me that there once was simpler times. Today just feels like one of the those days where crying is the only you can really do to make yourself feel better. On the other hand, crying feels like you are giving into the big monster that is tearing you down inside. It's been a bad day and it's not even 8am. My husband just found pictures of me on his old phone, and more than likely if I see them I will feel worse. I have put on thirty pounds since I had found out I was pregnant with my son who is now 5 months old, and I am miserable with my body image. I just feel fat and hardly ever feel attractive. I'm afraid that my husband won't be attracted to me anymore if I put on anymore weight. This is just one of those days that I will be relying on my son and his silliness to cheer me up. I told my husband that I don't feel good about myself today and he didn't seem to say anything back. Go figure. He has old pictures of me, he's not gonna care. At least not right now...
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Monday, July 2, 2012
Update on things:
I'm pregnant now. not exactly sure how far long i am. not making this formal or anything. I am engaged. Went to eat last Friday and then walked to Hemisphere park and he proposed. It was so beautiful, I loved it! It was magical. :D We are moving to Bethesda, MD for our next duty station. We are getting married here, before we leave. Was supposed to have sonogram today but we were late so we missed it. We rescheduled, so now we have to wait another week. Tried looking for a fetal listening machine but i couldn't find one. guess this means I HAVE to wait lol not much else so that's it for now
I'm pregnant now. not exactly sure how far long i am. not making this formal or anything. I am engaged. Went to eat last Friday and then walked to Hemisphere park and he proposed. It was so beautiful, I loved it! It was magical. :D We are moving to Bethesda, MD for our next duty station. We are getting married here, before we leave. Was supposed to have sonogram today but we were late so we missed it. We rescheduled, so now we have to wait another week. Tried looking for a fetal listening machine but i couldn't find one. guess this means I HAVE to wait lol not much else so that's it for now
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
The trip was great! I had a blast. I want to go back lol
not gonna write much but just wanted to say that i loved it! the plane (to Dallas) was scary felt like it was dropping when we were in mid flight. second flight (to St. Louis) was ok but i had a real bad pop in my ear and it filled with fluid (where that came from, i don't even know). When i got off the plane, I couldn't hear at all. It sucked and of course i got made fun of because they were talking to me but i couldn't hear them. Ended up being the next day that i was able to hear. when we got there we stayed up until 6 am the next morning. i stayed up talking to her. (turns out the sun is up by 5:45!!) i slept for maybe three hours then had to get up to go to Amanda Barron's wedding and be her maid of honor. Oh i loved it! it was so beautiful, I silently cried internally, only tearing up externally. i wish i had took more pictures. i loved meeting his parents. his dad was a real sweetheart (now i see where Tim gets it from :P) and his mom was so caring. I really wanna go back. we stayed with Josh and Amanda H. There was a moment that there was too much fun so, Tim got hurt. (still waiting on that video). That wasn't the whole trip but there is just some highlights. I will write the whole trip soon.
not gonna write much but just wanted to say that i loved it! the plane (to Dallas) was scary felt like it was dropping when we were in mid flight. second flight (to St. Louis) was ok but i had a real bad pop in my ear and it filled with fluid (where that came from, i don't even know). When i got off the plane, I couldn't hear at all. It sucked and of course i got made fun of because they were talking to me but i couldn't hear them. Ended up being the next day that i was able to hear. when we got there we stayed up until 6 am the next morning. i stayed up talking to her. (turns out the sun is up by 5:45!!) i slept for maybe three hours then had to get up to go to Amanda Barron's wedding and be her maid of honor. Oh i loved it! it was so beautiful, I silently cried internally, only tearing up externally. i wish i had took more pictures. i loved meeting his parents. his dad was a real sweetheart (now i see where Tim gets it from :P) and his mom was so caring. I really wanna go back. we stayed with Josh and Amanda H. There was a moment that there was too much fun so, Tim got hurt. (still waiting on that video). That wasn't the whole trip but there is just some highlights. I will write the whole trip soon.
Friday, May 18, 2012
LESS THAN A WEEK!!
Been running around for everybody except me. But oh well, I like staying busy. Went and visited my old high school yesterday and it was pretty cool being up there again but knowing I passed that stage of my life. It was an awesome feeling. A sense of accomplishment.
My room turned into a shit hole again. Mom put a couch in my room and so it has made it hard to move around the room. It is supposed to come out to today.
Today I pick up Tim but I have to return him tomorrow morning for duty. Last night we were talking and he was in a bad mood so he when he went to bed he didn't say I love you. I don't care if you are extremely pissed at someone, if you love them, you make damn sure you tell them before you close your eyes at night. Even when I am pissed at him and he is here, I give him a kiss and tell I love him and then I go to sleep. If he isn't here, I tell I love him and that I am going to bed. Never go without telling the people you love how you feel. Life is short and can be shorter than you think so don't go without saying I love you.
Question of the day: Do you go to bed without saying I love you if you are upset?
Been running around for everybody except me. But oh well, I like staying busy. Went and visited my old high school yesterday and it was pretty cool being up there again but knowing I passed that stage of my life. It was an awesome feeling. A sense of accomplishment.
My room turned into a shit hole again. Mom put a couch in my room and so it has made it hard to move around the room. It is supposed to come out to today.
Today I pick up Tim but I have to return him tomorrow morning for duty. Last night we were talking and he was in a bad mood so he when he went to bed he didn't say I love you. I don't care if you are extremely pissed at someone, if you love them, you make damn sure you tell them before you close your eyes at night. Even when I am pissed at him and he is here, I give him a kiss and tell I love him and then I go to sleep. If he isn't here, I tell I love him and that I am going to bed. Never go without telling the people you love how you feel. Life is short and can be shorter than you think so don't go without saying I love you.
Question of the day: Do you go to bed without saying I love you if you are upset?
Thursday, May 10, 2012
still T -14 days :)
I am really happy about going on this trip, just hope it not raining. Been busy cleaning. Turns out Mom is not having surgery today so she will be home in a bit. Not writing much but just saying that I feel good today. I love rain and it is storming outside. I love when the rain stops but it is cool and the air feels cool and moist. Oh and if anybody knows where I ca get a partition a.k.a. screen floor a.k.a. room divider, it would be much appreciated.
I am really happy about going on this trip, just hope it not raining. Been busy cleaning. Turns out Mom is not having surgery today so she will be home in a bit. Not writing much but just saying that I feel good today. I love rain and it is storming outside. I love when the rain stops but it is cool and the air feels cool and moist. Oh and if anybody knows where I ca get a partition a.k.a. screen floor a.k.a. room divider, it would be much appreciated.
T -14 days
got the room done. have one pile that I just can't figure out what to do with it. I believe I got a job at Michaels as a stocker. Gonna call tomorrow to see how the background check went and shtuff. The trip is like right around the corner. I'm anxious about going. Think I might take a book to read and some headphones to listen to music. Kind of want a window seat but probably won't get it. Might jump a seat to get it though. Maybe Tim will get it. If he does, I am totally going to lean over to look. I wanna watch the ground as we take off. Kind of a way to show myself that I am taking a new step in life. Flying on a plane for the first time and leaving the state for the first time that I can actually remember, big steps in life. I think I might record my trip but I'm not sure yet. All I know is that I am beginning to get anxious and just want to do this. I want to live the experience already. So until then, I will be counting down the days and beginning to gather things to take with me. First item on the list: A good book!
got the room done. have one pile that I just can't figure out what to do with it. I believe I got a job at Michaels as a stocker. Gonna call tomorrow to see how the background check went and shtuff. The trip is like right around the corner. I'm anxious about going. Think I might take a book to read and some headphones to listen to music. Kind of want a window seat but probably won't get it. Might jump a seat to get it though. Maybe Tim will get it. If he does, I am totally going to lean over to look. I wanna watch the ground as we take off. Kind of a way to show myself that I am taking a new step in life. Flying on a plane for the first time and leaving the state for the first time that I can actually remember, big steps in life. I think I might record my trip but I'm not sure yet. All I know is that I am beginning to get anxious and just want to do this. I want to live the experience already. So until then, I will be counting down the days and beginning to gather things to take with me. First item on the list: A good book!
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