Disgusted! Just heard that the stupid Anti-church that calls themselves a church, Westboro, will be trying to picket on base in Killeen and here, in San Antonio. They going to Fort Hood and Fort Sam. I am going to avoid base that day. So I hope nobody wants me to pick them up or anything. I hope that Tim doesn't have duty that day either. I can't stand these people. They make me sick to my stomach. They have so much hate for people they don't even know. They are just going by what they heard. I don't think they could even form a picket line without a permit, or so I've heard. Today is sickening. Military in general pray to God. Tim's graduation they all bowed their heads and prayed, which I appreciated. They are performing selfish acts and using the Lord's name in vain to defend their actions. They just need to stay inside their little four walls and not try to spread their beliefs. It is just rubbish.

12:48pm-
Just had some soup, but didn't get to finish it all because Picasso was stalking me for it. I went to the doctor today but didn't get out in time for disc golf, probably a good thing though. When I went in for the appointment it was 10:10 and the appointment was scheduled for 10:15. I sat in the lobby, and finally, at 10:50 they took me to see the doctor. At this point I was getting kinda of pissed. But he came in right away and got right to business. Ran basic check list, then he began to feel the spot on my back where the pain is. He began to push on it just a little and it hurt so freaking bad. He said that one of my disk is pushing a little too far out and so he prescribed me to physical therapy. Gave me some meds, which I will be going to pick up soon. Anyways, long story short, the doctor gave me a therapist as well. So i have therapy and physical therapy. So for the rest of today I am just gonna relax. But hopefully I will get a call from a job or something. Still a little anxious about the trip to Illinois. I am ready to experience take-off and seeing clouds underneath me, and not in the form of fog. I swear everytime I see a plane in the sky, I start smiling. I imagine that the plane in the air will be our plane. It helps when I can see the red and blue painted on the plane, then I know it is a southwest airlines and I know that will be one of our planes. Although i'm excited now, I may not be after take-off or the third plane ride and then stuffed in a car. But in all honesty, I am looking forward to the three plane rides and then being stuffed in a car for a couple more hours and then a couple days later, doing it all over again but in reverse order. I look forward to this trip because I know that it's not everyday that you get to do this kind of traveling and meet the people you meet along the way.

10:24pm-
Anxiety- A bitch in life that tends to mess with your mind. Yes, we have all experienced it whether you know it or not... I know I have experienced it. I am experiencing it now...
  I have back pain and don't know why. I have been for a couple days now, thought maybe it was a one time thing but it didn't seem to go away. Ibuprofen helps but doesn't resolve the problem.
  I'm a little nervous about this trip that we are planning to take. I'm afraid that his family won't like me... Yes, I care about what others think of me but, only some people, not everybody though.
  I'm gonna ask my doctor about maybe seeing a therapist to talk to about some of the things that go on in life. I have a doctor's appointment for my back and some other issues tomorrow. It will be nice to know some of the anxiety will be resolved.
  I don't put all my business out on this blog because there is just some things that not really anybody needs to know. I tell Tim everything because secrets create distance. Saw an old friend today and realized I have grown up alot because I remember the shit he used to pull. I remember thinking he was cool because he got to do the shit he did. But now I just think he is a dumbass with a ticking time bomb just waiting for him to get caught. Its amazing how much a person can differ from others but yet, somehow, still have common social connections. Well I'm off and heading to shower. Have to get up for doctor appointment then after possibly go play disc golf or frisbie golf. Peace.

2:46pm-
So when did I miss the story about teens drinking hand sanitizer to get buzzed or drunk. Some people are just so stupid. It is sad what people would do when they are desperate.
can't blog much because I have to go get Timmie from the bus stop then later go see Tim on base.

12:38pm-
Had a job interview today at Michael's! It went great! She said she would give me a call before Saturday. They really liked that I used military time when describing my availability hours. She also loved that I said to do your job with a smile. I really hope I get this job! I can be able to repay Tim for everything. Plus it will be great when I can plan little surprises and not have to rely on Tim or my parents for any money! Oh it will be so great not having to spend the money for anything else but leisure. Of course I will put back some money for moving and emergencies and stuff like that. Well I'm off to do laundry. Toodles!

10:24am-
I couldn't get to the computer on Saturday but here is just a recap. Got up early so I could go get Tim from base. We left and I took him to some of the missions here in San Antonio. Then we parked and went down a little path that went through the trees and grass. It was so beautiful. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150692081613381&set=a.10150561394603381.386027.668858380&type=3&theater
this is just one of the pics. Then we walked to a little old bridge and i looked over the edge and saw a jagged river bed. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150692085853381&set=a.10150561394603381.386027.668858380&type=3&theater. Tim climbed a tree and fell off and scraped himself pretty bad on the the chest and a few minor scrapes and scratches on his arms and hands. I also finished putting the available pictures in the scrapbook. Don't remember much of Sunday except that we went and played laser tag. It was awesome! at first i sucked, I got like 7th place. But then our last game I won! It was a great feeling of accomplishment! That was the first time I had ever played too.

12:27am-
So this is supposed to be for 4/13/2012 (so just go with it)
Alright so today is Friday, and I have no Tim at home :( he had duty so he had to stay on post for tonight. I have to get up in a few hours so I can pick him up and bring him home :). I may have breakfast with Shawna, since it will be early and we will both be waiting on the guys and duty turnover.
I was on post today spending a few hours with Tim. I really enjoy being around him. He cheered me up alot and he didn't actually do much lol. Once Tim and I departed, I headed home and, before I could even text Tim to tell him that I made it home, I got side-tracked with my scrapbook.
I got this really awesome journal type book from my friend Rylee and her aunt, Jeannie. It has golden yellow pages, and black leather cover. I love it! So I thought to myself, I want to use this but for something important. I wanted to actually be able to come back in a few years and it still have importance. I didn't want to use it as just another journal, it was too cool for that. So i turned it into a scrapbook about Tim and I. I have already put some pictures in it and put little story/ captions next to the pictures. I like to be able to remember details and when I get older, I know I am going to struggle with that because I already do lol. Of course the pictures won't be in order by date but by availability (what's handy and what I have to print out still). So far it looks real nice. I may put pictures but probably not because it is a long process.
I decided that today I was gonna make a change and so I cut my bangs. They look cute! They stop just above the eyebrow. I was afraid that I had messed them up but I always have that feeling when I cut my hair. Repainted my nails today. The paint started chipping. Finished my show, Life Unexpected, on Netflix. It was really good. Almost cried a few times but then again I have been really emotional lately. Tomorrow we are supposed to go to a place where you can climb on things. Part of a quest that Tim has set for himself lol. I enjoy the sight seeing so I don't mind. Found some of the crafts I made awhile back, so I will be selling them soon. Looking for some request for signs to make. Well enough of the rambling, it's time for bed. It is now 12:48am, so good night/morning world!

7:37pm
I applied to Michael's craft store. Before you continue reading this post, keep in mind that this is a rant on myself. I'm tired of feeling like a low life. I'm tired of feeling like i'm not good enough to keep a job. I'm gonna start applying places, just no fast food places or grocery stores. (They gross me out.) I'm tired of Tim having to pay for everything. I'm tired of not having money, and having to sit around the house. I have two friends. I should be hanging out with them while I am still here. But I am a loser and have no money because a stupid woman wants to pay me only $5 an hour. So when I ask if there is any way that we can up the pay to about $8 an hour, you know where it's not against the law, she fires me because her husband was paying me $1.66 extra. So my pay was coming out to $6.66.... (should've been a sign.) I need a better job. Babysitting just won't cut it anymore. I wanna be able to go shopping and hang out with the only two friends that I have. I wanna be able to pay for things when Tim and I go out places. I have fallen into a depression and didn't realize it until my Mom mentioned it. I need a job so I can get out of this stooper. I need something that can consume some of my time and I can gain money from it. Any ideas?

7:21pm
I think I might just put my phone away for the day. Feeling really down today. Chest is hurting because I haven't really got the chance to speak to Tim. Is it possible to actually feel your heart hurt? I know that my chest hurts. I also know that my stomach hurts because of nerves. I have been so worried about Tim. I hadn't spoke to him in almost a day. I know I shouldn't have worried but it just not like him... He contacted me earlier but I am still hurting. Funny, I want him to contact me but I don't wanna talk on the phone. Does anybody have any ideas on how to calm nerves?

5:02pm-
I decided that I am gonna keep a journal about my experiences during my trip(s), seeing as how I probably won't be around a computer to add to Koolee's Korner. So far I think this is what is going to happen: Load suitcase into the van, head to base to pick up Tim, leave for airport from base. Arrive at airport and go through everything needed. Board plane and take off at 7:20pm. Land in Dallas at 8:20pm, to switch planes. Leave from Dallas at 9:15pm. Arrive in St. Louis at 10:50pm. Meet up with Mum (Tim's mom) and ride to Normal. I suppose be dropped off at Josh's (Tim's brother) apartment. I am so excited. I just can't wait! This will be my first time out of state that I can actually remember. This will also be my first time on a plane!

2:42pm-
So planning this trip is exciting. This will be my first trip on a plane and out of state. Counting the days so I can begin the countdown. I know I am probably a little more excited than the rest of them, but this will be my first trip out of state. I think I repeated that though lol. Have to go, gonna play Candy land with the little brother.

7:41pm
Alright completely stressed now. Can't go to the coast because my parents don't believe I am well enough to go. So now I have to pull a trick out of my butt, to try and compensate. I feel as though it won't work, no matter how well it goes, because (1) it's not the coast, (2) it's not away from San Antonio, and (3) it won't be good enough. He may say it is but I know it won't, at least for me it won't. I wanted to be able to take him to the coast and show him the beautiful ocean and shore. I wanted to be able to show him a place that didn't suck like San Antonio. So no, it won't be good enough. But it's gonna have to do, because it's all I can do...
I just wish that there was some way I could get into CNA school so I don't have to rely on him all the time. Since I am broke all the time, we only get to do things when he has money. So news flash, when I say I don't feel good it's because I am depressed! I'm tired of being useless! I can never pay for anything because I am broke. Jobs won't hire me, I lost the only babysitting job I had but only because they got caught cheating me. I wanna give him the world but I can't even afford the dirt that goes on it. I am gonna feel as though nothing is good enough until the day I can plan something and carry it out without having him pay for anything.
Does anybody know any jobs that are hiring? I don't mean grocery store jobs or big places like that. nobody is hiring a babysitter so I have to branch beyond that. This moment in life sucks...

April 5th, 2012

So today I am feeling a little better. Haven't been able to write on my page lately, but I have done some fun things since I wrote last. Went to Natural Bridge Caverns with Tim, Brewer, and Shawna. That was fun, and we got to take some pictures in the cave. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150666210048381&set=a.498848973380.272068.668858380&type=1&theater Gonna post those on Facebook.
So for the past two weeks, Tim and I had been planning on taking a trip to the coast, just the two of us. Well I got sick and many other things happened, so long-story-short, we aren't sure if we're going as of this point.
I'm starting to feel a little better but I am still dizzy and don't have much of a voice. I'm excited because I won't have to sit Easter out. I kinda hope that we can still go to the coast but I guess it a waiting game...